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cutiestella
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Name: Rachel
Location: Illinois, United States
Birthday: 6/12/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: PARTIES!!! hanging out wit my gurls and guyz of course! shopping (bootleglegging from water tower), QUIGLEY STALKA!, sex.. i know i know..being a tap!!, talking, having fuckin fun!!! whatever i love everything.. oh i forgot i love dancing and music and shit
Expertise: I dunno if ya'll wanna know what i do best... :)
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
11/14/2003
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| hey its me! I haven't written in such a long ass time. Well basically there's this guy. We've been friend for awhile now, and we just have the best time toghether. Everyone in our whole fucking shcool see's it! We're "meant to be". but he's stuck on wren. Oh, his name is chris... FYI. I dunno i mean its just even with ivan ( though i felt coforatble) i never felt this confortable. Like today, I was soo sad and when i saw him he immmediatly made me luagh sooo ahrd. I dunno its jus hard for me becuase everyone says we flirt, and not only my friend but random ass people. And its getting ridiculous how cute we are togther. Its so hard to deal with becuase i honestly dont know if he thinks of me as just a friend or not. I mean i know he has this other bitch, but i cant understand how he "loves" her. SHe's such a bitch 2 him, and she doens't even care about him that much. I think he's like me. I think he "likes the chase" and i think that he thinks he can " change her into a better person". and thats why he keeps holding on to something that willl never be more then it is. I wish he knew how much he meant to me, i mean its just hard becuase he fills a empty space that so many people left in my heart. I dont think he understands that he means so much to me. And i know i could never tell him thart becuase he would just get scared, so im just kinda stuck. I guess i can just pray that he'll see this girl he's "with" its garbage. We'll see. Well anwyas i've been tlaking to carrie jane a lot and we just decided we wouldn't talk about the boyz ne more ( ryan and chris) becuase we realized that alll of our "friends" are getting so blinded buy guys, that they forget about their friends.. so w/e thats the last i'll proabylw rite bout chris.. wElll imma go holler! love ya ~roxy | | |
| HEy ya'll . I haven't written in awhile i dont think. well anyways, i had my math exam today! It was impossible! but its all god! ANwyays tommorrow i have to spanish then history on thursday then im done!!!! I'm going shopping wit care after school on thursday! EEEK! im excited as fuck! I've stopped caring bout "guys" right now and im jus focusing on school and shit. So anyways, I'm not gonna write a novel today! so Ill ttyl~roxy~ P.S: Chris B. is jus being stupid. WREN DOESN'T LIKE U LIKE THAT! | | |
| Hey its me. I haven't written in awhile. Haven't had the time i guess. And haven't really wanted to either. Well i haven't talked to ivan in awhile it seems, even though it was jus yesterday or some'n since we talked. We got into a fight bout me "ask'n stupid question". I dunno wat that really means. I really dont understand guys ne more. Like one second their madly in love wit u, the next second they hate you. Well maybe not hate, but watever. I'm trying to get my life back toghether and its jus not work'n. I'm soo happy that my winter break is soon. Hopefully i'll be able to jus chill and have a good time and figure shit out. Well i have exams on tuesday and i've been trying to cram, but i know im gonn a fuck up ne wayz. I guess i still love ivan. I don't really know how after all the shit he's put me through, but w/e. I just hate being alone, and i really need a guy in my life right now. I know ivan's the guy i want, but that can't happen. So i jus need 2 move on. I know the guy that might be right, but he's hooked on this other girl who's a total bitch to him, but he's hooked on that. The girl ( who will remane nameless) is kinda well i dunno how to describe her. She kinda gets guys hooked on her, and they cant let her go. I don't know exsactly how to describe it. All i know is that i need to get a guy soon, especially for prom. I know that sounds totally stupid, but i cannot see myself like "pensivly" going 2 prom alone. EWW. So anywaz, schools suks ass. I'm pretty much fucking up in every single class. And there is such a lack of "datable" guyz at my school. Like it suks cuase i know im a pretty girl and shit. It's jus cuase im not "Ms. Popular" guyz don't look at me like that ( at least i don't think). Plus if your not white at my school u pretty much dont have a chance ( there are a few exceptions). But i guess im jus feeling pretty shitty, and like i need to have someone tell me im pretty. I know i am, but it helps when ppl say it..lol. That didn't come out right. I wish shit would jus work out. I mean if one thing could jus work out for me i'd b happy. My grades are shitty, my ex b/f who i love wit all my heart pretty much hates me, i haven't seen my bro in like 4 ever, and my parents wanna "disown" me. FUN TIMES! well this weekand ( if i can even call it that( pretty much suked ass. I wasn't allowed 2 go out friday night, and my mom called the police on me! Long ass story. And saturday just suked all we did was dive around wit claire and ate. W/e next weekand will b better. So, imma go take a showa and holla back! peace~roxy | | |
| Hey its me! Well, i was suppose to see ivan today, but that didn't really work out. He didn't call or leave a message or anything.. so i don't really know what to think. I really miss him, just chill'n and doing whatever toghther. I hope can maybe see him this week or something. We'll see. Well today was a pretty good day. I finished my first draft of my research paper, so thats out of the fucking way. Now i just need to focus on all my other classes. I'm pretty much not going to study for my spanish final.. cuase there's no point. SO they only final i need to focus on is math, i think if i study alot i can proably do pretty well. I've pretty much just been working my ass off and putting school first for once. SO anyways, there hasn't been that much going on. I do have a comment though: I don't undertand why I and a lot of other people go for people who aren't "good" for them. I mean i know i've made mistakes, but over all im a pretty good person who cares a lot for the people i truly love. And the thing is i know now in my heart that i deserve someone who loves me as much as i love them. I mean i think its cause i "like the chase" of someone i "can't" have. but i think its time for me to realize thats just juvinial. I need to find someone who appreciate "me for me " and cheesy as that may sound. And if i cant find that guy right now, then i'll just have to wait. I mean im fucking 16 years old, and i think its "the end of the world" not to have a b/f or whatever, but now that i think about it, its really not. I'm just gonna quit obsessing over shit i can't do anything about. And i feel better then i have in a long time. I mean trust me it does hurt that he doens't most likely feel what i feel for him and want to be with me again, but if he doesn't thats his loose. And ya i know i did some bogus shit to him, but still i have changed a lot, and a learned to care for people in the right ways. And i know that if i was with him now, i would care for him soo much.. But that chance may never come, so im just living wit it.
On another note, my mom freaked the fuck out on saturday about smoking ciggerates! I don't really know why. She hit me like three times or some shit at liek 4am, and then kicked my out and made me go to my dad's which was aight. My dad was pretty cool, he gave a me a small lecture, but he was chill and hgave me some money for the weekand! That was really nice of him. He did tell me some hurtful shit though, like about how im "never going to be anything" and how i "better fid a guy to support me, cuase i'm not going to be able to support my self". Well, he'll see! Imma be something so fucking raw that hes gonna be sorry he ever said that shit. So ya, my weekand was kind a"interesting".. especailly smoking up at 3am wit jeremy! MEEP! Well imma go ttyl~roxy | | |
| Hey i just woke up, so anyways i was thinking a lot about Love. Love is something totally weird, i kinda hate it. It like grabs you and wont let you go not matter how hard you try and pull away. I think i am going to have to let go of that feeling soon, at least let it fad slowly. I just dont know how too. I mean when you love someone can you just "stop loving them" ? I dunno. So i talked to ivan some last night, i told him a bunch of stuffa bout how much i missed him and loved him. Which was entirly true. It like crhis and I talked about, its staring to drive me fucking crazy. I mean seriuolsy, for four fucking months i've wondered if he really loves me.. or at least if he feel the same way i do. I started to definatly think he doesn't. Literally i can't stop thinking about it, i just need to know "yes" or "no". I'll i want to know is if theres a chance for us. I just think he's saying "maybe" as an excuse becuase he doesn't want to be with me, but he doesn't want me to be with anyone else. That childish if that the truth. I hope it's not. Hopefully i can se him tonight. Cuase i haven't seen him in soo long it seems. I've started to miss him less though, like its become normal for me now to see him. I still miss him a lot, but a little less then i use to. I geuss it all takes time to except things. I mean i just feel like one day he'll wake up and see how stupid he's being, but that may not happen for while, and i need to have experiances. I cant just wait around for one guy all of high school. I mean shit, who am i going 2 go 2 prom with? I have NO IDEA! But i'll figure it out. I just genuinly want to know what he's thinking, like to me it seems that all he cares about is sexual shit, and not about "emotional shit". Like i really miss him for who he is, and how he was my best friend, and how we use to just be so cool around eachother. I don't think he miss's that about me ne more. Maybe he used to, but those feelings are gone now. ANyways, yesterday Mr. Hogan put me on "disiplanry probation" which means i cant aquire ne more detentions, and i can't go off campus. And... I need to see Ms. Brooks... which is jus fucking weird. THAT MAN IS RIDICULOUS. It's not like im a bad kid, i just wore the wrong cloths. all of my detention were from "dress code violations" what the fuck ever. Anyways, i really pissed about that, and the molester ( i mean dean) made me fucking cry cuase he said " i didn't add to the Latin School comunnity" and shit... whatever i add a lot he jus doens't get that. So FUCK HIM!Im fucking tired and need to smoke.. holla atcha laterz~roxy | | |
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